ROCK my world

SOOOO i wrote this poem because i was in a little situation where... i didn't get what... or shall i so WHO i wanted :-) hehehe

Ever wonder why

The stars, the moon, and the sun

Never align

The earth never tilts

And the universe never spins your way?

I do.

You see,

He love her and he likes me

And she likes him and I like he

Can’t you see how it

Just

Don’t

Work?

I’ve done what I’ve been asked

I’m an educated girl with poise and an ass

Ha! I mean poise and class

I got poise and class

And by poise and class I mean

I just don’t let anyone tap that ass

Yet she.

She’s a breezy from the easy

Hood rat for sheezy

No class

AND she puts out that ass

But she wins

And I,

I’m here, empty-handed

The universe, you see

Never goes my way

Not last year

Not tomorrow

And def not today

The universe and I

We constantly fight

I pull and I push

It hits and it shoves

Telling me

“You good girls, ha, you never end above.”

So sit here I

Angry lost sad

Broken bruised tired and mad

And waiting

Waiting for the universe

To flip upside down and inside out

Turn around and jump and shout

Relieve me of my “happiness” drought

And ROCK MY WORLD!

WHY?

Why do we continue to choose to confuse our minds and hearts with the unfit and unwell?

Why do we, instead of settling in healthy relationships, choose to situate ourselves in relationships that are harmful to our bodies, minds, and souls?

Why do we subjugate our selves to such abuse?

Why do we hate?

Why do we fear?

Why do we love?

Why do we love perfectly another but despise the beauty that is ourselves?

Why do we look at the television in awe but in the mirror with pain?

Why do guard our hearts so heavily with the artillery of attitudes, but melt at the simple slick smooth talk of a dude.

Why do we cry?

Why do we laugh?

Why do we smile?

Why do we constantly talk of our praised independence yet yearn for the love and partnership of a man?

Why is she our enemy one-minute and then our best friend the next?

Why can the same lips that smile so beautifully, turn and speak such ugly and harmful untruths of another.

Why do we let others determine the factors that truly make us happy?

Why do we continue to choose to confuse our minds and hearts with the unfit and the unwell?

Why do we subjugate our selves to such abuse?

Why do we hate?

Why do we love?

Why?

UMMMM soooo yea... just sitting at my computer... and justt... alll of this came out... 

peaceeee

quote: sryyy i've been MIA. I've been sick and trying get settled with school and everything..

SEE YOUU SOON :-)

FOCUS

 

Writing, journals, stories, poems,

Painting, drawing, coloring, learning,

Piano, clarinet, acting, singing,

Talking, reading, books, novels,

The Bible, school, grades, shopping,

Music, football, field hockey, food,

Running, basketball, gymnastics, Sox,

TV, boys, dance, tap, jazz, ballet, and hip-hop?

No?

 

God, Life, Love, and Happiness.

 

In the end isn’t that all that really matters?

Because

Everyday I’m trying something new

In my mind I’m perplexed, bamboozled, straight up confused

Can’t seem to figure out what exactly I want to do.

 

What will make me happy? What do I love? What’s my passion?

 

I’m forever and consistently for never being consistent with

Anything I do,

I’m living life in a constant ADHD

Why. Does. Life. Hate. Me.

It’s. Making. Me. Hate. Me.

‘Cause I just can’t focus.

 

I can’t focus and all I want to do is be happy.

I’m told to try new things to find my passion,

True happiness.

And I did try,

I did.

And I found a momentary joy

A momentary high

Living on cloud nine

Ecstasy and bliss

I’d be loving it.

 

But, a high only last for so long.

Then I’m back here.

Trying something new

Again.

For now, forever, and for always

I’ll be doing this

 

Focus.

Is this important?

Should I focus on this and that?

Am I wasting my time focusing on the unimportant?

When I should just be focusing on,

God, Life, Love, and Happiness

 

What’s my passion?

I wish I could tell you.

Because I’d tell you if I knew.

 

I’ll tell you this though,

Stop living your life in this constant

Delirious delusion and illusion of life,

 

And focus.

 

Ummmm... some one asked me what my passion was... this is the result of that question..

peaceee

qoute it uppp:  "live for today.. laugh often... love always"

 

you THINK you know, but you have NO IDEA: College Life... Self Identity

When I was still in high school I had a best friend that was on her way into college. We were like twins. Like inseparable... My biggest fear was that she would go far away, and we would not be able to chill and hang out as much. When she decided to go to a local college we were both souped. all "woo whoo we can be friends forever." I thought the least of my fears was over. Little did I know that after that september things would change forever... it was weird.. we'd hang out and chill but she was a different person. And sooner than later, we drifted apart.

College is hard. It is even more difficult to maintain a good sense of identity while in college. Being in college challenges everything about who you are/claim to be. It's because you're so far from your comfort zone. You're so far from the place that you had identified your self by for so long. The people who surrounded you for four year or all your life were not in arm's reach anymore. Everything is different. No direct discipline. No Parents. No curfew. No one telling you to do this or that. And in place of everything lost, you receive drama and responsibility.

BUT this change does not have to be for the worst... It is true, everyone has their down times. When they no longer feel like themselves. But i feel like that is all in the process of growing and gaining a NEW self-identity. It's impossible to stay the same person you were freshman year of high school. And if you did stay the same, that just means you remained un-flourished... and you didn't grow. I believe that this growth is important for the continuation of life in the real world

I think that it is important to maintain the "good parts" of you and add upon them. Because in college those "good parts" are questioned and put down... And when you submit to the "ways" of college, and you change your self for (i guess) "acceptance" Your stuck lost in you own identity.. trying to figure out who exactly you are and want to be.. You spend everyday pretending to be "Jenn the College Student".. You just have to go through these experiences and learn from them and become the best person that YOU can be... and you do this all for you, don't be the person that you're bestfriend or boyfriend or ANYONE wants you to be.. you have to be content with yourself first and from there i think all else will come naturally

NEWHOOOOOO i really love this song, and when i was writing this song was in my head the whole time... enjoy :-)

peaceee :-)

quoteeeee: "Look at me. You may think that you know who I really am, but you'll never know me. Everyday it's as if I play a part..." -Christina Aguilera "Reflections"

you THINK you know, but you have NO IDEA: College Life... Males

waddddap?!?

study break time :-)

BOYS

GUYS

MEN

NIGGAS

whatever it is you chose to call them... is all the same...

SO... what exactly did I learn about these.. specimen... haha

I think that the first and most important thing that I learned.. and am still trying to accept is that they are all different

during this first semester I have come into close encounter/relationship (not nessesarily boyfriends.. friends and acquaintances too) with five guys that I honestly say helped shaped(good/bad) my first semester of college.

They are all different... yea females will say "NO THEY"RE NOT!" and many guys will say "THANK YOU!".... don't speak so quickly..

different is good.. in proportions...

I used to think that every guys had this one thought, and one thought only... SEX

I met these five guys and from my time with them I can conclude that that's not really ALL they want.. i'm not saying that they don't want it... but that's not the only thing they think about..

but i do know that guys are highly influenced by their drive for sex.. it can make them say things and do things that make them out to be jerk, players, assholes, etc... And it's this drive for sex that primarily has females hating males.. actually no i lied... its the males REACTION to this drive for sex that has many females hating males..

their reaction. their response... thats where the difference comes into play...

some.. actually, many guys chose to act primarily on this drive for sex. they want it. they need it. so they're going to do everything in their power to get.. right? and by everything in their "power" i mean, like they're gonna sweet talk, tell you your the shit, and that they ain't never met a girl like you... sound familiar? hahah :-)

other guys are a little different.. they still want sex.. but it's not always on the brain... i guess/think? they still flirt. they wonder how it would be to have sex with you. they still ponder on the fact that could pursue you... but they don't.. they have a little more control.. this kinda guy, he cool to chill with... sometimes... other times, he makes those awkward sexual comments, touches you, and jokes around about sex with you... this is signal that the sex drive is in overload, and it's time for you two to go your separate way... that is unless you want to take it for a test drive hahaha :-)

the last guy comes few and far between. I mean.. like i feel like each and every guy has the potential to be one of these guys, but they chose which one they want to be. And few guys chose to be this guy particular guy.. lol. this guy is the "bestfriend"... he does not technically have to be your bestfriend, but HEY if he wanted to.. he could. Like you get none of those sexual innuendos, and if he ever wanted to have sex with you, he keeps it so under wraps that it's ridiculous. he's just madd chill and madd cool. you guys can talk about anything and everything.. i mean i think ever female should have one these.. stop taking guy advice from ur girls when you can get it from an actually guy.. right? am i wrong? i feel like everything would be less complicated.. you would understand men more and thus he would understand females more..  iono.. i've been told that it's not possible for a girl and a guy to be just friends... i'm thinking that ima prove that "fact" wrong..

they're different... thus they way you approach them must be different. you can't go up to every guy thinking the same thing.. you have to broaden your horizon.. if you expect them to be asshole.. then they might as well be one.. ya kno? no? ya i know they could "try and prove you wrong" but (1) that takes a lot more effort out of their part.. it probably a LOT easier to just be a jerk and (2) really though, i hate to say it, but they don't really owe us anything... i mean it would be nice and wonderful if they could all be gentlemen and sweep us off our feet, but the don't HAVE to.. and then a girl could just be like "well then they ain't gonna have me".. really though, plenty of girls throw themselves at the males when they're asshole(BLAH a blog for another day)... so why straighten up for you? iono.. i'm just trying to see it from a neutral side...

what do you think?

peaceee

quote it up :-)  : "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship." - Oscar Wilde

^so i guess he disagrees lol

you THINK you know, but you have NO IDEA: College Life... Friends

I came into to college thinking I was going to meet a lot of new people, that I would acquaint some, befriend others, and fall in love with one...

I thought that coming to college would mean that I would have the ginormous groups of friends and we'd be super tight by the time Thanksgiving came around...

Now looking back, I realize that it was silly of me to think that that would happen, when all the times before that I have enjoyed the company of a few close friend...

I came here and I can say that I "acquainted" with everyone. We'd chill, eat together, go to class together, go out together.. It was fun. but it still didn't have that "college bestfriends" feeling to me..

Soon everyone was grouping off into the "friendship-groups" lol. And although I felt as is I could hang out and chill with anyone here at BC, I never felt that genuine click with anyone.. and it bothered me because I didn't understand how everyone had found their bestfriends and I still hadn't...

I didn't comprehend how someone could meet another person and all of a sudden become their bestfriend.. like in just a month... for me tight friendships like that had to be developed over time.. iono...

Soo.. i have had an epiphany...

I'm not like everyone else... So there for I going to go about things differently..

So when people found their "BFFL" in a month.. I found my real friends in three.. and even then, nothing is ever certain..

NEWHO.. i found some people at BC that i truely care for... and ima miss then MUCHO GRANDE come winter breakk :-(

and if you still haven't found those "friends" don't stress it... it will come in time..

peaceee

Quote timee: "The making of friends, who are real friends, is the best token we have of a man's success in life" -Edward Everett Hale

end of the Semester..

So here is december... pretty much the end of my first semester of college...

there's a lot that i think i have learned in these past 3 almost 4 months...

at first i was not enjoying my experience here, but i have realized that this is a growing experience and im learning. being here, god-willingly, will make me a better person. not only academically and intellectually but in my time here i think i am maturing.. i am learning about the world that i have always watched under the protection of my parents. yea, BC isn't the world, but it's a portion of it.. and im here.. alone.. and im growing...

so in celebration of this new realization of growth and the end/ survival of my first semester of college EVERRR lol, i am going to do a little mini series about the things i have learned more about here at BC

stay tuned :-)

peaceeee

quote:  "Good Luck on finals" --  ME :-)